Several quotes I came across today, would like to share it with you. Enjoy...
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learing to dance in the rain," ~ Taylor Swift.
"Life is rarely perfect for any of us, and we all could use some good positive motivation from time to time. You have the power to do it! Have a great day everyone." ~ Herman Mulyadi.
"Sometimes all it takes is a smile, or a kind word to make you day." ~ Unknown.
"Words can heal, or words can wound." ~ Helen Mulyadi.
"High caliber person doesn't mean that he/she is a rich person yet, but these kind of people with humility, good personality, mentally strong, hard working, and always looking for a better way to grow..In the end they are the better people." ~ Dion.
"Marriage Tips: Get rid of the We've-got-to-do-it-MY-way attitude." ~ Dr. Kevin Leman.
"When you are enthusiastic, it simply means you are full of God. When you get up in the morning excited about your future, recognizing that day is a gift and go out with a spring in your step, pursuing your goals and passionate about life, then God will breathe in your direction. Studies even tell us that people who are enthusiastic get better breaks. They're promoted more often. That's not a coincidence. When you are full of passion, you have the favor of God." ~ Bonaventura.
"I fall. I rise. I make mistakes. I live. I learn. I've been hurt, but I'm alive. I'm human. I'm not perfect, but I'm thankful." ~ Leilockhart.tumbler.com
"A good life is when you smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realize how blessed you are for what you have." ~Leilockhart.tumbler.com
"A smile is the best makeup that any girl can wear." ~ Sheila.
"Explore. Dream. Discover."
"Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." ~Dale E. Turner.
"I don't run a way from a challenge. Instead I run towards it. Because that's the only way to escape the fear is to trample it under your feet." ~ Nadia Comaneci.
"From this moment on, every voice that tells you "You can't" is silinced. Every reason that tells you things will never change disappears. And the person you were before this moment, that person's turn is over. Now it's your turn." ~ Daily inspiration
"The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph." ~ believe-toachieve.tumbler.com
"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." ~ Michael Jordan.
"There are no secret to success. It's the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure." ~ Colin Powell.
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others...
For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness...
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." ~ Author unknown.
"I don't believe that you have to be better than everybody else. I believe that you have to be better than you ever thought you could be." ~ Ken Venturi.
"The only way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." ~Kush and wizdom.
"Don't allow yourself to wake up with yesterday issues troubling your mind. Refuse to live backwards, see everyday as a new chapter." ~www.picsandquotes.com
"Your fears are your prison that confine and restricts your action. The less you fear, the more power and freedom you have." ~DopeandLegit.tumblr.com
Have a great day everyone.
Helen.
28 February 2012
27 February 2012
Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease
Both Timmy and I have been coughing and sneezing for quite a long time.
We just wish for this flu to go away....
It is very annoying and makes me feel weak...
Timmy has gone to the Doctor for the flu and cough, finished one package of medication, but yet...the flu is not gone yet...
The Doctor told us to do the nebulizer thing.
Timmy has never done this before in his life, and first time putting it on him was a struggle.
He refused to put the mask on him...and when the smoke started to come out from the mask, he even refused harder to put it on.... and finally the medication was wasted... Oh dear...
Second time putting it on, Timmy was very cooperative... Thank Goodness..
We had to do it 5 days in a row...for the medication to be effective.
On the 4th day of medication, Timmy complained that his throat hurts..
And we saw the Doctor on our way out, while the Doctor was on his way in. (Luckily). The Doctor examined him and prescribed Antibiotics.
After the one set of antibiotics has been finished, the flu was still there.
Why is this flu and cough are not going away?
I thought could it be because of the bed bugs that is causing us allergy?
We cleaned and vacuumed our bed.
Timmy helped out to vacuumed his bed.
and Timmy started having fever...
It all started with a mild fever around 38 degree Celsius. I was concious and measured his temperature, giving a cool cloth over his forehead.
The next day, his palm, feet, and buttock started to show red spots and blister.
I thought it was chicken pox...and brought him to the doctor straight away.
Once the Doctor saw it, he knew right away that it is not chicken pox. It is Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease.
When the Doctor examined him, there were ulcers at the back of his mouth..
No wonder Timmy has been complaining that it hurts whenever he swallow...
Even when swallowing water...
Here's how Timmy's hand looks like...
And here's the condition of Timmy's feet...
I searched the internet for the information on this hand, foot and mouth disease; and found useful information.
Would like to share it all with you.
"Quote:
We just wish for this flu to go away....
It is very annoying and makes me feel weak...
Timmy has gone to the Doctor for the flu and cough, finished one package of medication, but yet...the flu is not gone yet...
The Doctor told us to do the nebulizer thing.
Timmy has never done this before in his life, and first time putting it on him was a struggle.
He refused to put the mask on him...and when the smoke started to come out from the mask, he even refused harder to put it on.... and finally the medication was wasted... Oh dear...
Second time putting it on, Timmy was very cooperative... Thank Goodness..
We had to do it 5 days in a row...for the medication to be effective.
On the 4th day of medication, Timmy complained that his throat hurts..
And we saw the Doctor on our way out, while the Doctor was on his way in. (Luckily). The Doctor examined him and prescribed Antibiotics.
After the one set of antibiotics has been finished, the flu was still there.
 |
| Here's a photo of Timmy during the nebulizer...22 Feb 2012 |
Why is this flu and cough are not going away?
I thought could it be because of the bed bugs that is causing us allergy?
We cleaned and vacuumed our bed.
Timmy helped out to vacuumed his bed.
and Timmy started having fever...
It all started with a mild fever around 38 degree Celsius. I was concious and measured his temperature, giving a cool cloth over his forehead.
The next day, his palm, feet, and buttock started to show red spots and blister.
I thought it was chicken pox...and brought him to the doctor straight away.
Once the Doctor saw it, he knew right away that it is not chicken pox. It is Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease.
When the Doctor examined him, there were ulcers at the back of his mouth..
No wonder Timmy has been complaining that it hurts whenever he swallow...
Even when swallowing water...
Here's how Timmy's hand looks like...
And here's the condition of Timmy's feet...
I searched the internet for the information on this hand, foot and mouth disease; and found useful information.
Would like to share it all with you.
"Quote:
About Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease (HFMD)
Overview
Hand, foot, and mouth disease is a common viral illness that usually affects infants and children younger than 5 years old. However, it can sometimes occur in adults. Symptoms of hand, foot, and mouth disease include fever, blister-like sores in the mouth (herpangina), and a skin rash.
Hand, foot, and mouth disease is caused by viruses that belong to the Enterovirus genus (group). This group of viruses includes polioviruses, coxsackieviruses, echoviruses, and enteroviruses.
- Coxsackievirus A16 is the most common cause of hand, foot, and mouth disease in the United States, but other coxsackieviruses have been associated with the illness.
- Enterovirus 71 has also been associated with hand, foot, and mouth disease and outbreaksof this disease.
Hand, foot, and mouth disease is often confused with foot-and-mouth disease (also called hoof-and-mouth disease), a disease of cattle, sheep, and swine. However, the two diseases are caused by different viruses and are not related. Humans do not get the animal disease, and animals do not get the human disease.
Learn more about hand, foot and mouth disease
Signs & Symptoms
Mouth sore in a young child
(Image ©Mediscan)
(Image ©Mediscan)
Hand, foot, and mouth disease usually starts with a fever, poor appetite, a vague feeling of being unwell (malaise), and sore throat. One or 2 days after fever starts, painful sores usually develop in the mouth (herpangina). They begin as small red spots that blister and that often become ulcers. The sores are often in the back of the mouth. A skin rash develops over 1 to 2 days. The rash has flat or raised red spots, sometimes with blisters. The rash is usually on the palms of the hands and soles of the feet; it may also appear on the knees, elbows, buttocks or genital area.
Some people, especially young children, may get dehydrated if they are not able to swallow enough liquids because of painful mouth sores.
Persons infected with the viruses that cause hand, foot, and mouth disease may not get all the symptoms of the disease. They may only get the mouth sore or skin rash.
Transmission
Hand, foot, and mouth disease is spread from person to person by direct contact with the infectious viruses that cause this disease. These viruses are found in the nose and throat secretions (such as saliva, sputum, or nasal mucus), fluid in blisters, and stool of infected persons. The viruses may be spread when infected persons touch objects and surfaces that are then touched by others.
Infected persons are most contagious during the first week of the illness. The viruses that cause hand, foot, and mouth disease can remain in the body for weeks after a person’s symptoms have gone away. This means that infected people can still pass the infection to others even though they may appear well. Also, some people who are infected and shedding the virus, including most adults, may have no symptoms.
Hand, foot, and mouth disease is not transmitted to or from pets or other animals.
Diagnosis
Hand, foot, and mouth disease is one of many infections that cause mouth sores. Health care providers can usually tell the difference between mouth sores caused by hand, foot, and mouth disease and other causes by considering
- how old the patient is
- what symptoms the patient or parent has
- how the rash and mouth sores look
Depending on how severe the symptoms are, samples from the throat or stool may be collected and sent to a laboratory to test for the virus.
Prevention & Treatment
Prevention
There is no vaccine to protect against the viruses that cause hand, foot, and mouth disease.
A person can lower their risk of being infected by
- Washing hands often with soap and water, especially after changing diapers and using the toilet. Visit CDC’s Clean Hands Save Lives! for more information.
- Disinfecting dirty surfaces and soiled items, including toys. First wash the items with soap and water; then disinfect them with a solution of chlorine bleach (made by mixing 1 tablespoon of bleach and 4 cups of water).
- Avoiding close contact such as kissing, hugging, or sharing eating utensils or cups with people with hand, foot, and mouth disease.
If a person has mouth sores, it might be painful to swallow. However, drinking liquids is important to stay hydrated. If a person cannot swallow enough liquids, these may need to be given through an IV in their vein.
Treatment
There is no specific treatment for hand, foot and mouth disease. However, some things can be done to relieve symptoms, such as
- Taking over-the-counter medications to relieve pain and fever (Caution: Aspirin should not be given to children.)
- Using mouthwashes or sprays that numb mouth pain
Persons who are concerned about their symptoms should contact their health care provider.
Hand-foot-and-mouth disease — a mild, contagious viral infection common in young children — is characterized by sores in the mouth and a rash on the hands and feet. Hand-foot-and-mouth disease is most commonly caused by a coxsackievirus.
There's no specific treatment for hand-foot-and-mouth disease. You can reduce your risk of infection from hand-foot-and-mouth disease by practicing good hygiene, such as washing your hands often and thoroughly.
Complications
Health complications from hand, foot, and mouth disease are not common.
Some complications include:
- Viral or "aseptic" meningitis can occur with hand, foot, and mouth disease but it is rare. It causes fever, headache, stiff neck, or back pain.
- Inflammation of the brain (encephalitis) can occur, but this is even rarer.
- Fingernail and toenail loss have been reported, occurring mostly in children within 4 weeks of their having hand, foot, and mouth disease. At this time, it is not known whether nail loss was a result of the disease. However, in the reports reviewed, the nail loss was temporary and the nail grew back without medical treatment.
Introduction
Is it the same as foot and mouth disease?
Hand, foot and mouth disease is not the same as foot and mouth disease, which affects cattle, sheep and pigs. The two infections are unrelated, and you cannot catch hand, foot and mouth disease from animals.
Hand, foot and mouth disease is a common, mild illness caused by a type of virus called an enterovirus.
It is usually caused by the coxsackie A virus, but in some cases can be caused by the coxsackie B or the enterovirus 71 virus.
Hand, foot and mouth disease gets its name from the non-itchy rash that develops on the palms of your hands and soles of your feet. It can also cause ulcers in your mouth and make you feel generally unwell, although some people have no symptoms (see Symptoms for more information).
Who is affected?
Hand, foot and mouth disease is very contagious (easily spread) and is common in children under 10 years of age. However, adolescents and adults can also be affected.
Most adults are immune to the coxsackie A and B virus as they have been previously exposed to it during their childhood. Adults who develop the disease usually experience milder symptoms than children.
It is possible to catch hand, foot and mouth disease more than once, but children are unlikely to catch it again during the same outbreak.
Outlook
Generally, hand, foot and mouth disease is a mild and short-lasting illness. Treatment is usually not needed as the body's immune system clears the virus and symptoms go away after about 7 to 10 days.
Unquote."
25 February 2012
Questions from Timmy
Today, Timmy asked me: "Mom, what is a bra for?"
(I was surprised by his question)
Me: "It's to hold the breast Tim."
Timmy: "Oh, so when you bend down, people can't see it ya... "
Me: "Yes Tim. Sort of like that." (rolling eyes)
Timmy: "Then what is the thing like pampers for?"
(oh...oh...)
Me: "Oh...that's when a girl grows up into a woman, she will have a period.
Period happens when the egg is not fertilized by the sperm.
Then the egg will come out from the woman's body like blood.
So, we need this pad.
When the egg is fertilized, then it will become a baby."
Timmy: "Oh, so it will become a baby."
Timmy: "Does it hurt Mama, when you have a period?"
Me: "No Tim, it doesn't."
Timmy: "Oh.."
Oh boy..oh boy... he does asks interesting questions, that gave a surprise at the beginning.
There was another time when Timmy asked me: "Mom, when I was a baby, I came out from your body.
Where did I come out from?"
(surprising question)
Me: "You came out from a hole, near where my pee pee comes out."
Timmy then opened his feet wide and point to his genital and asked: "From here?"
Me: I couldn't help laughing and said: "Yes, Tim. That's where you came out from."
And I told him the story of his birth.
Click here and here for the story of Timmy's birth.
Timmy...Timmy.. I will always love you.
(I was surprised by his question)
Me: "It's to hold the breast Tim."
Timmy: "Oh, so when you bend down, people can't see it ya... "
Me: "Yes Tim. Sort of like that." (rolling eyes)
Timmy: "Then what is the thing like pampers for?"
(oh...oh...)
Me: "Oh...that's when a girl grows up into a woman, she will have a period.
Period happens when the egg is not fertilized by the sperm.
Then the egg will come out from the woman's body like blood.
So, we need this pad.
When the egg is fertilized, then it will become a baby."
Timmy: "Oh, so it will become a baby."
Timmy: "Does it hurt Mama, when you have a period?"
Me: "No Tim, it doesn't."
Timmy: "Oh.."
Oh boy..oh boy... he does asks interesting questions, that gave a surprise at the beginning.
There was another time when Timmy asked me: "Mom, when I was a baby, I came out from your body.
Where did I come out from?"
(surprising question)
Me: "You came out from a hole, near where my pee pee comes out."
Timmy then opened his feet wide and point to his genital and asked: "From here?"
Me: I couldn't help laughing and said: "Yes, Tim. That's where you came out from."
And I told him the story of his birth.
Click here and here for the story of Timmy's birth.
Timmy...Timmy.. I will always love you.
07 February 2012
Chicken...cock-a-doodle-doo! ~ from toilet paper tube
We have a lot of toilet paper cube at home...
Last time we have made it into doggy and its puppy...
This time, we thought of turning it into chicken...since Timmy loves chicken so much...hahahaha...
Here's a sneak peak at what we did.
First, we colour the toilet paper yellow.
After we painted it, I thought the yellow colour didn't quite stand-out and decided to wrapped it with yellow asturo paper. We had some left-over and shaped the top to look like the chicken's crown.
Drawed the eyes and mouth.
With the orange asturo, we made the mouth and glued it.
Then we made the feet with the red asturo.
Glued the feet to the toilet paper.
Voila!
Last time we have made it into doggy and its puppy...
This time, we thought of turning it into chicken...since Timmy loves chicken so much...hahahaha...
Here's a sneak peak at what we did.
First, we colour the toilet paper yellow.
After we painted it, I thought the yellow colour didn't quite stand-out and decided to wrapped it with yellow asturo paper. We had some left-over and shaped the top to look like the chicken's crown.
Drawed the eyes and mouth.
With the orange asturo, we made the mouth and glued it.
Then we made the feet with the red asturo.
Glued the feet to the toilet paper.
Voila!
When it's done, Timmy tried to squeeze his Little chicken into the toilet paper chicken that we just made.
Look at his expression. hahahaha...
Lastly, Timmy lined up his chickens near the computer..
From left to right: Little chicken, father chicken, the new comer, his cars and mother chicken.
Chicken....cock~ a ~ doodle~ do.... :) Smile...
21 January 2012
Why Mom?
On the way to my Mom and Dad's house,
Timmy asked me: "Mom, why do we need to go to grandpa and grandma's house?
Me: "Because they are my parents and they are old now.
So we need to come and see them. They will be very happy when they see us.
Therefore, one day when Mom and Dad are old, you need to come and see us too yeah..."
Timmy: "No need Mom..... because I'm going to live with you and Papa."
Ah...Timmy....Timmy....
Timmy asked me: "Mom, why do we need to go to grandpa and grandma's house?
Me: "Because they are my parents and they are old now.
So we need to come and see them. They will be very happy when they see us.
Therefore, one day when Mom and Dad are old, you need to come and see us too yeah..."
Timmy: "No need Mom..... because I'm going to live with you and Papa."
Ah...Timmy....Timmy....
13 January 2012
We Can Make a Choice
I came across a nice article from www.oureverydaythings.com
I would like to keep it here, before I forget about it, before it becomes too hard to find..
because this blog has become sort of my diary... to keep the memories....the colorful rainbow of my life...
Quote:
"In life there are things that we can and cannot choose.
We CAN’T choose when we’d want to be born.
We CAN’T choose our race.
We CAN’T choose our parents.
There are many things in our lives that are simply be ‘beyond’ our control. And we simply can’t make a choice.
However.
There are countless other things in our lives that we CAN choose.
We CAN choose to forgive and not hate.
We CAN choose to be more of a giver and not just a receiver.
We CAN choose to be more grateful and not complain.
We CAN choose to be more loving in our words and actions towards our family and everyone else.
We CAN choose to see life in a more positive light and not be pessimistic.
…
There will definitely be HEAPS of choices that we all need to make this year.
Choices that are personal.
Choices that will involve our loved ones too.
For our little family, I pray that the choices we’ll make this year are in sync with God’s master plans for us.
Through the years, we’ve witnessed how God had been so merciful and graceful to our family. And I really, truly, believe that HE will again show HIS faithfulness, mercy and grace this year.
Not just to us, but also to you and your loved ones.
May the year 2012 be another blessed journey for us all."
Unquote.
10 January 2012
Defiance: Why it happens and what to do about it
I am facing a difficult phase as a parent, where Timmy is rude, ignorant, etc.
It's really challenging being a parent.
Luckily there's online help and would like to share this article.
by Karen Miles
It's really challenging being a parent.
Luckily there's online help and would like to share this article.
Defiance: Why it happens and what to do about it
by Karen Miles
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
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Why grade-schoolers defy their parents
Your grade-schooler is well past the temper tantrum stage, thank goodness. But he's not exactly obedient, either. In fact, he refuses to come in for dinner when you call him, ignores your requests to pick up his socks, and responds with a surly "what for?" when you ask him to take out the trash.
"So what's going on here?" you wonder. "Did I mess up somewhere along the way, or is my kid just out to get me?"
Believe it or not, you're probably doing fine. Frustrating as it is, it's normal for grade-schoolers to test adult guidelines and expectations. At this age, "defiance is about finding a way to assert yourself," says Susanne Ayers Denham, a professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia.
As your grade-schooler matures and learns more about the world around him, he develops his own opinions about relationships and rules (or adopts his friends' opinions). So don't be surprised if he tries to assert himself by defying you and your "stupid" directives. Unlike a younger child, though, your rebel-in-the-making probably won't have a fit when you ask him to do something he dislikes. But he may pretend he didn't hear you, or respond very s-l-o-w-l-y to your request. ("You mean, you wanted those socks picked uptoday?")
"So what's going on here?" you wonder. "Did I mess up somewhere along the way, or is my kid just out to get me?"
Believe it or not, you're probably doing fine. Frustrating as it is, it's normal for grade-schoolers to test adult guidelines and expectations. At this age, "defiance is about finding a way to assert yourself," says Susanne Ayers Denham, a professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia.
As your grade-schooler matures and learns more about the world around him, he develops his own opinions about relationships and rules (or adopts his friends' opinions). So don't be surprised if he tries to assert himself by defying you and your "stupid" directives. Unlike a younger child, though, your rebel-in-the-making probably won't have a fit when you ask him to do something he dislikes. But he may pretend he didn't hear you, or respond very s-l-o-w-l-y to your request. ("You mean, you wanted those socks picked uptoday?")
What you can do about defiance
Be understanding. When you ask your youngster to come in for lunch and he yells, "Not now!" and then fumes when you make him come in anyway, try to put yourself in his shoes. If he's skateboarding with his buddies, tell him you know it's tough to leave, but lunch is ready.
The idea is to show him that instead of being part of the problem, you're actually on his side. Try not to get angry (even if the neighbors are checking out the show your grade-schooler is putting on). Be kind but firm about making him come in when he must.
Set limits. Grade-schoolers need — and even want — limits, so set them and make sure your child knows what they are. Spell it out: "You're not allowed to make phone calls without permission" or "You must come in when I call you the first time."
If your youngster has problems abiding by the rules (as every child does), work on solutions. Talk the situation out and try to get to the bottom of your child's defiance.
Maybe he balks at doing his homework because math is giving him trouble. In that case, perhaps a computer math game or a few math sessions with an older sibling will help. Or maybe he doesn't like to come in when you call him because he doesn't get enough free time outside. Once he knows that you're working with him to solve the problem, he's likely to tone down the defiance.
Reinforce good behavior. Though you may be sorely tempted to give your grade-schooler a verbal lashing when he defies you, hold your tongue. "When a child behaves badly, she already feels terrible," says Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline series of books. "Where did we ever get the idea that in order to make children do better, we first have to make them feel worse?" In fact, doing so may only produce more negative behavior.
Instead, try to catch your child acting appropriately and encourage him to continue. Remember, disciplining your grade-schooler doesn't mean controlling him — it means teaching him to control himself.
Punishment might incite him to behave, but only because he's afraid not to. It's best for your child to do the right thing because he wants to — because it makes the day more fun for him or makes him feel good.
Still, let your child know that when he breaks a rule, there will be consequences. Be specific and logical rather than punitive: "If you play with the soccer ball in the house, we'll have to keep it in the garage."
Use time-outs — positively. When your grade-schooler's about to blow his top because he isn't getting his way, help him cool off. Rather than a punitive time-out ("Go to your room!"), encourage him to retreat to a favorite corner of his bedroom or a comfy couch in the family room.
Maybe your child would even like to design a "calm-down place" for himself — with a big pillow, a soft blanket, and a few favorite books. If he refuses to go, offer to go with him to read or talk.
If he still refuses, go yourself — just to chill out. Not only will you set a good example, but you also might get a much-needed break. Once you both feel calmer, that's the time to talk about appropriate behavior.
Empower your grade-schooler. Try to provide opportunities for your youngster to strut some of his cherished independence. Let him choose his own clothes (as long as they're reasonably clean and free of holes and stains). Ask him to pick tonight's vegetable from a choice of three, or settle on a Batman or a dinosaur binder for his schoolwork. "This kind of involvement doesn't mean your grade-schooler is running the show," says Nelson, "it just shows that you respect him and his needs."
Another way to help your child feel more in control is to tell him what he can do instead of what he can't. Rather than saying, "No! Don't swing that bat in the house!" say, "Practice swinging in the yard, Jake." Your child is old enough to understand explanations now, too, so tell him why indoor batting practice is ill-advised.
Choose your battles. If your fashion-savvy grade-schooler wants to wear a camouflage T-shirt with striped shorts, what do you care? If he wants waffles for lunch and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, what's the harm? Sometimes it's easier just to look the other way — when he fails to comb his hair, for example, or stores his clean laundry under the bed instead of putting it in the proper drawer.
Compromise. Avoid situations that might spark your child's defiant streak. If a particular friend seems to be pushing his buttons lately, invite a different playmate over for a while. If he hates to see people pawing his PokÈmon collection, put it away before his cousins visit.
If you happen to find yourself in a tricky situation, though, try to meet your grade-schooler in the middle: "You can't chase Aunt Sarah's cat around, but maybe you can fill his food bowl." It's not 100 percent foolproof, but it's worth a try.
Respect his age and stage. When you ask your grade-schooler to make his bed or clean the bathroom, make sure he knows how. Try to take time to teach him new tasks, and do them together until he really gets the hang of it. Sometimes what looks like defiance is simply an inability to follow through on a responsibility that's too difficult.
Finally, respect the unique world your grade-schooler lives in. Rather than expecting him to happily jump up from a game he's winning to come set the table, give him a few minutes' notice to help him switch gears. ("Zeke, we'll be eating in five minutes, so please finish up and set the table.")
He probably won't be overjoyed about having to leave the fun to fool around with forks — in fact, he's likely to grumble all the while. But as long as you're patient and consistent, your youngster will eventually learn that defiance isn't the way to get what he wants.
The idea is to show him that instead of being part of the problem, you're actually on his side. Try not to get angry (even if the neighbors are checking out the show your grade-schooler is putting on). Be kind but firm about making him come in when he must.
Set limits. Grade-schoolers need — and even want — limits, so set them and make sure your child knows what they are. Spell it out: "You're not allowed to make phone calls without permission" or "You must come in when I call you the first time."
If your youngster has problems abiding by the rules (as every child does), work on solutions. Talk the situation out and try to get to the bottom of your child's defiance.
Maybe he balks at doing his homework because math is giving him trouble. In that case, perhaps a computer math game or a few math sessions with an older sibling will help. Or maybe he doesn't like to come in when you call him because he doesn't get enough free time outside. Once he knows that you're working with him to solve the problem, he's likely to tone down the defiance.
Reinforce good behavior. Though you may be sorely tempted to give your grade-schooler a verbal lashing when he defies you, hold your tongue. "When a child behaves badly, she already feels terrible," says Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline series of books. "Where did we ever get the idea that in order to make children do better, we first have to make them feel worse?" In fact, doing so may only produce more negative behavior.
Instead, try to catch your child acting appropriately and encourage him to continue. Remember, disciplining your grade-schooler doesn't mean controlling him — it means teaching him to control himself.
Punishment might incite him to behave, but only because he's afraid not to. It's best for your child to do the right thing because he wants to — because it makes the day more fun for him or makes him feel good.
Still, let your child know that when he breaks a rule, there will be consequences. Be specific and logical rather than punitive: "If you play with the soccer ball in the house, we'll have to keep it in the garage."
Use time-outs — positively. When your grade-schooler's about to blow his top because he isn't getting his way, help him cool off. Rather than a punitive time-out ("Go to your room!"), encourage him to retreat to a favorite corner of his bedroom or a comfy couch in the family room.
Maybe your child would even like to design a "calm-down place" for himself — with a big pillow, a soft blanket, and a few favorite books. If he refuses to go, offer to go with him to read or talk.
If he still refuses, go yourself — just to chill out. Not only will you set a good example, but you also might get a much-needed break. Once you both feel calmer, that's the time to talk about appropriate behavior.
Empower your grade-schooler. Try to provide opportunities for your youngster to strut some of his cherished independence. Let him choose his own clothes (as long as they're reasonably clean and free of holes and stains). Ask him to pick tonight's vegetable from a choice of three, or settle on a Batman or a dinosaur binder for his schoolwork. "This kind of involvement doesn't mean your grade-schooler is running the show," says Nelson, "it just shows that you respect him and his needs."
Another way to help your child feel more in control is to tell him what he can do instead of what he can't. Rather than saying, "No! Don't swing that bat in the house!" say, "Practice swinging in the yard, Jake." Your child is old enough to understand explanations now, too, so tell him why indoor batting practice is ill-advised.
Choose your battles. If your fashion-savvy grade-schooler wants to wear a camouflage T-shirt with striped shorts, what do you care? If he wants waffles for lunch and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, what's the harm? Sometimes it's easier just to look the other way — when he fails to comb his hair, for example, or stores his clean laundry under the bed instead of putting it in the proper drawer.
Compromise. Avoid situations that might spark your child's defiant streak. If a particular friend seems to be pushing his buttons lately, invite a different playmate over for a while. If he hates to see people pawing his PokÈmon collection, put it away before his cousins visit.
If you happen to find yourself in a tricky situation, though, try to meet your grade-schooler in the middle: "You can't chase Aunt Sarah's cat around, but maybe you can fill his food bowl." It's not 100 percent foolproof, but it's worth a try.
Respect his age and stage. When you ask your grade-schooler to make his bed or clean the bathroom, make sure he knows how. Try to take time to teach him new tasks, and do them together until he really gets the hang of it. Sometimes what looks like defiance is simply an inability to follow through on a responsibility that's too difficult.
Finally, respect the unique world your grade-schooler lives in. Rather than expecting him to happily jump up from a game he's winning to come set the table, give him a few minutes' notice to help him switch gears. ("Zeke, we'll be eating in five minutes, so please finish up and set the table.")
He probably won't be overjoyed about having to leave the fun to fool around with forks — in fact, he's likely to grumble all the while. But as long as you're patient and consistent, your youngster will eventually learn that defiance isn't the way to get what he wants.
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