How to tell if your child is happy at school
by Maile Carpenter
It would great if your child could tell you whenever she was unhappy at school, but you can't count on that — especially during the first few years. School and the teacher can intimidate kids during the early elementary years, so your child might not feel comfortable sharing her feelings with you. Assuming your child isn't dishing the dirt on what's happening all day, here are some ways to find out if she's happy at school. (Don't worry too much if your child seems nervous during the first few weeks of school. Back-to-school days are always tough.)
How to find out how your child feels about school
Talk to your child frequently about school "The real key is communication," says Guy Strickland, author of Bad Teachers: The Essential Guide for Concerned Parents. Set up a regular time to discuss school events: before dinner, during dinner, during bath time, whenever. Your child might not want to share bad news about school, especially information about punishment. Encourage an open discussion with questions such as How does the teacher treat the class? How do the other kids like school? and What did the teacher tell everyone in class to do?
Ask detailed questions Don't just ask, "How was school today?" and settle for "Okay." "You can't necessarily trust a child's answer to this question," says Gwynn Mettetal, associate professor of education at Indiana University South Bend and mother of two. Instead she suggests you ask questions that will elicit more than one-word answers. Ask her which subjects are her favorites and which are the hardest. Find out what she likes best about the teacher. Other good questions include What's your favorite part of the day? and Which friends do you hang out with during lunch and recess?
Volunteer in class Spending just one hour in the classroom once a month will give you a read on your child's feelings about school. You'll also get a chance to see how the teacher runs the class. Mettetal discovered that her daughter was unhappy in school when another parent volunteer noticed Mettetal's daughter wasn't working very hard. Mettetal investigated and confirmed it. Her daughter felt the work was too easy and she was bored. The solution: They moved her to the next grade.
Keep in touch with the teacher The teacher spends five days a week with your child. If your child suddenly seems unhappy at school or has problems with a group of friends, the teacher might know more about the situation than you do. Get tips on communicating with your child's teacher.
Ask detailed questions Don't just ask, "How was school today?" and settle for "Okay." "You can't necessarily trust a child's answer to this question," says Gwynn Mettetal, associate professor of education at Indiana University South Bend and mother of two. Instead she suggests you ask questions that will elicit more than one-word answers. Ask her which subjects are her favorites and which are the hardest. Find out what she likes best about the teacher. Other good questions include What's your favorite part of the day? and Which friends do you hang out with during lunch and recess?
Volunteer in class Spending just one hour in the classroom once a month will give you a read on your child's feelings about school. You'll also get a chance to see how the teacher runs the class. Mettetal discovered that her daughter was unhappy in school when another parent volunteer noticed Mettetal's daughter wasn't working very hard. Mettetal investigated and confirmed it. Her daughter felt the work was too easy and she was bored. The solution: They moved her to the next grade.
Keep in touch with the teacher The teacher spends five days a week with your child. If your child suddenly seems unhappy at school or has problems with a group of friends, the teacher might know more about the situation than you do. Get tips on communicating with your child's teacher.
Warning signs that your child is unhappy
Stomachaches or diarrhea before school An occasional episode is common for most children, but if you notice a recurring problem, your child might be worried about something at school.
Nervousness Your child develops unusual ticks such as nail biting, thumb sucking, hair pulling, or bed-wetting.
Silence Your child stops talking about school or gets nervous when you bring up the teacher, homework, or anything school related.
Boredom Your child is disinterested in schoolwork and homework, or no longer brings work home from class. (This could be a sign that your child is finishing everything at school and needs more advanced work.) See tips on how to help a child who's bored in school.
Fear of returning to school in the fall Kids love summer vacation, but most are ready to return to school in August. If your child isn't, find out why. More tips on how to work with a child who isn't enjoying school.
Nervousness Your child develops unusual ticks such as nail biting, thumb sucking, hair pulling, or bed-wetting.
Silence Your child stops talking about school or gets nervous when you bring up the teacher, homework, or anything school related.
Boredom Your child is disinterested in schoolwork and homework, or no longer brings work home from class. (This could be a sign that your child is finishing everything at school and needs more advanced work.) See tips on how to help a child who's bored in school.
Fear of returning to school in the fall Kids love summer vacation, but most are ready to return to school in August. If your child isn't, find out why. More tips on how to work with a child who isn't enjoying school.
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